The Weeks Nobody Sees But Everyone Goes Through
A candid reflection on the demanding side of the ETA journey and why the quiet, difficult weeks often shape the owner you become.
Hello, and welcome back to Buyout Diary.
In the previous newsletter I wrote about three ideas that have been quietly reshaping the way I think about my acquisition journey. I did not expect the depth of the responses that came in. Many of you wrote to say that you are navigating similar questions, the same moments of uncertainty, the same mix of ambition and responsibility. It reminded me again that ETA looks very individual from the outside, but from the inside the emotional landscape is shared by far more people than you would think.
Since then, if someone looked only at my public activity, they might assume nothing significant has happened. There were no announcements, no screenshots of LOIs, no big moves. But internally, this week felt heavy, meaningful and strangely clarifying. It was one of those stretches where life does not pause for your ambition, yet your ambition refuses to disappear. The result is a kind of tension that forces you to understand yourself at a deeper level. These are the weeks nobody writes about on LinkedIn, but they are the weeks that quietly shape who you become as a future owner.
I want to write about that today. Not as advice, not as strategy, but as a field note from someone in the middle of the journey.
The Invisible Weight of Running Several Lives at Once
One of the hard truths I confronted this week is how difficult it is to run multiple arcs of life at the same time. I have my main job, which demands a level of focus and output that cannot be delegated or minimised. I have Buyout Diary, which has grown into something meaningful and deserves the best of my thinking. I have ETA Amsterdam, which is no longer just an idea but a real community that needs structure, attention and leadership. And I have my own acquisition search, which requires mental bandwidth even when I am not actively screening deals.
None of this happens in isolation. Real life does not politely step back to let you work on your dreams.
At the moment I am also navigating something that many people underestimate: the challenge of living in Germany while my wife remains in Amsterdam. The relocation process in the Netherlands has been far more difficult than expected, and the search for housing has been long, slow and exhausting. It affects energy, sleep, creativity and emotional resilience. You cannot perform at your best in your search when the foundation of daily life still feels unstable.
This is not something people talk about openly in ETA circles, but it shapes the journey more than any sourcing strategy or financial model. There is a silent emotional layer under every professional decision, and ignoring it would be dishonest.
Two Conversations That Shifted My Thinking
Even in a heavy week, meaningful conversations can change the way you see your path. I had two such conversations in the last days. I cannot share who they were with or the contents of the recordings, but I can share the impact they had on me.
The first reminded me that the search process is not simply about identifying deals. It is about becoming the kind of person who can make high-quality decisions under pressure. That does not happen through speed. It happens through repeated exposure to complexity, through thoughtful dialogue, through the discipline of looking at businesses even when you are tired or distracted. That conversation grounded me again. It reminded me that maturity is built quietly.
The second conversation shifted something else. It clarified the importance of context. Searchers often believe that their challenges are unique, but patterns repeat across markets, stages and personality types. Hearing someone with global exposure reflect on those patterns made me see my own journey with new eyes. What I thought were signs of slowness were actually signs of alignment. What I thought were limitations were simply the natural timing of someone building an acquisition path while holding a life together.
Both conversations left me with a strange mix of calmness and responsibility. Calmness because I am on the right path. Responsibility because the path requires depth, not speed.
The Tension Between Work, Ambition and Identity
This week forced me to sit with a question I have avoided: what does ambition look like when it exists alongside real-life constraints. Many people assume ambition means quitting your job immediately, jumping into risk with both feet and pushing for extreme outcomes. But for others, ambition looks different. It looks like building steadily and quietly, without compromising the parts of life that matter most. It looks like designing a path that allows for long-term success rather than short-term adrenaline.
I realised that my identity as a future owner is being shaped not only by what I pursue, but by what I protect. I want my marriage to stay strong. I want my professional credibility to remain intact. I want my search to reflect my values, not my impatience. And I want to build a HoldCo that I can be proud of for decades, not just during the deal-closing moment.
This week made it clear that the ETA journey is deeply personal. Behind the frameworks and the strategy slides is a human being trying to integrate ambition with responsibility. The integration matters as much as the acquisition.
What Patience Really Means in ETA
Patience is a word that is used constantly in this world, but rarely understood. People say patience is important, but they often mean waiting for the right deal to show up in their inbox. True patience is different. It is the willingness to grow at the speed required for genuine competence. It is the willingness to say no when a deal does not fit your values. It is the willingness to let your identity evolve before taking responsibility for a team of real people.
This week reminded me that patience is not passive. It is active discipline. It is saying to yourself that becoming a thoughtful owner takes time, and that rushing will only produce regret later. It is building a mindset that does not collapse when everything happens at once.
Looking Toward 2026 With Intention
As I think about the next twelve to eighteen months, I see 2026 as a year of realignment. A year in which personal life, professional life and my search stop pulling in different directions. A year where relocation becomes possible, where stability returns, and where I can dedicate deeper energy to the acquisition path without fragmentation.
This year, 2025, already feels like a bridge year. A year of refining filters, strengthening community, clarifying strategy and building the foundation on which the next chapter will stand. I want to enter 2026 with a clearer identity as a buyer, a clearer direction for Wakonda Ventures and a deeper sense of what I am actually willing to own. Not theoretically, but in reality.
My conversations this week made me see that long-term alignment matters far more than short-term velocity. Real ownership requires both internal and external stability, and that is what I am building toward.
One Collaboration I Am Still Open To
I mentioned previously that I am open to one long-term remote collaboration alongside my own search. A few people reached out and asked for details. This is not a job posting or a formal role. It is a partnership with someone who wants a thinking companion during the early stages of their search or ownership journey. Someone who values depth over noise, reflection over speed and long-term judgement over short-term excitement.
The work would revolve around thoughtful deal review, identifying red flags and decision points, reading CIMs with an ownership mindset, conducting grounded market understanding and preparing for the governance realities of life after acquisition. The goal is not to be an analyst or an operator, but a partner in clarity.
If you feel this is relevant to you, reply to this email or send me a message via LinkedIn. There is no pressure and no urgency. I will only take on one such collaboration, and it will become clear organically whether the fit is right.
👉 Let’s talk!
Closing Reflection
When I look back on this week, what stands out is not exhaustion but a quiet sense of growth. It was a week that demanded resilience. It reminded me that the ETA journey is not a performance but a transformation. That the challenges are not evidence of misalignment but signs of evolution. That the emotional weight does not disqualify you from ownership but prepares you for it.
If your week looked anything like mine, with too many responsibilities and too little clarity, I hope this letter reminds you that it is normal. Every person who eventually buys a business lived through weeks like this. They just did not write about them.
Hit reply. Share your thoughts. I am happy to read every single one.
Until next Monday,
Alexander